What is Self-Disclosure and Why Might I Need It?

Have you ever really thought about your own approach to Self-Disclosure? Self-disclosure means sharing personal or private information about yourself. While it’s often associated with personal relationships, it plays a significant role in professional settings too. Think of it as a way to foster trust and build stronger connections with your colleagues and partners.

In a work environment, how you present yourself—your attire, communication style, and even the personal details you share—affects how others perceive you. But how much you reveal about yourself can also impact your professional relationships. Research shows that being authentic and honest helps build trust, whether you’re interacting face-to-face or online (for more please see Kim & Dindia’s 2011 review[1]).

Who Am I? Finding Your Balance and What to Share

We all have different comfort levels when sharing personal details at work. Some are natural storytellers, while others are more private. Reflect on your last business interaction. Did you share anything personal that helped build rapport, or was it more business-focused? Here’s how to find a balance that works for you:

  • Know Your Audience: Understand the context and the people you’re interacting with. Tailor your level of disclosure to what feels appropriate for the situation and the relationship.
  • Start Small: Begin by sharing more superficial details about yourself, like your background or interests. This can help gauge how your disclosures are received and build rapport gradually.
  • Be Authentic: When the situation calls for it, share personal experiences or insights that are relevant to the discussion. This can help create a sense of closeness and foster a more collaborative atmosphere.

When to Use Self-Disclosure Effectively

Self-disclosure isn’t just about oversharing or discussing sensitive personal issues. It’s about strategically revealing information to build trust and strengthen professional relationships. Here’s how to use it effectively:

  1. Peripheral Details: Share basic information that others might not know. This could be about your cultural background, hobbies, or where you’re from. It helps people get to know you better.
  2. Intermediate Details: Offer insights into your values or opinions related to your work. This can include your thoughts on team projects or how you handle challenges.
  3. Core Details: For deeper connections, share your goals or aspirations and the struggles you’re working through. Be mindful of how this might be received and avoid discussing overly personal topics unless you’re sure it’s appropriate.

Boosting Trust with PQi®

The Partnering Quotient Index (PQi®) can be an invaluable tool in determining when and how to use self-disclosure to build trust. PQi measures partnership trust across five profiles, helping you understand your default behaviors and how to adapt them to enhance professional relationships. Learn how to leverage PQi to recognize and adapt to different trust-building styles, ensuring that your self-disclosure efforts are effective and well-received.

This, in turn, leads to building partnership trust more frequently, quickly, and easily. Self-awareness, alongside Self-Disclosure, is integral to developing partnership trust agility, and PQi helps us understand the competencies we need to develop to use the full range of partnering trust tools in one toolbox. And Self-disclosure is a powerful and effective tool when used consciously and appropriately.

Putting Self-Disclosure to Work for You

To effectively use self-disclosure in the workplace, consider these practical approaches:

  1. Learn Lessons from Therapeutic Practices: While we’re not therapists, we can apply some principles from therapeutic settings to our professional interactions. For example, understanding power dynamics and ensuring safety and confidentiality in mutual disclosures can help create a supportive work environment.
  2. Use Positive Psychology Techniques: Positive Psychology offers useful strategies for building trust and closeness at work. These techniques emphasize safe and respectful self-disclosure to foster better relationships. Celebrate your wins, for sure, but also sharing our failures can humanize us and develop resilience strategies with others. Learn more about Positive Psychology and self-disclosure.
  3. Be Mindful and Respectful: Staying mindful of your partners’ needs in the context, using active listening and empathetic stance, even during your own disclosures, are key to ensuring safe disclosures and avoiding ‘trauma bombing’.
    • Respect Boundaries: Understand that not everyone may be comfortable with personal disclosures. It’s important not to push others for details.
    • Adapt to the Setting: Recognize that work relationships are generally less intimate than personal ones. If a disclosure isn’t well received, consider shifting to a more objective or professional stance.
    • Honor Differences: Be respectful of others’ beliefs and orientations, and maintain your own personal boundaries.

As a recap…

Strategic self-disclosure isn’t about sharing everything; it’s about sharing the right things at the right time, to build trust and strengthen authentic professional relationships. Start small, link personal insights to work, and build trust over time. Use tools like PQi to enhance your approach and watch your professional relationships flourish. By embracing strategic self-disclosure, you can create a more trustworthy, connected, and collaborative workplace.

Additional Resources For You:

Weekly Practice- Three Techniques

First consider self-disclosure only if:

  • The disclosure will not cause discomfort or distress to myself or work-partner
  • It will provide new information to the partner which sheds light on my present position
  • It will make me more open and available to my working partner
  • It will lead to a more open space for sharing weaknesses and vulnerabilities safely

If you can answer yes to the above, then over the coming week, keep a mental note of the reaction to each of these disclosures. Pick a new or emerging business relationship- face-to-face or online and try sharing:

  • Peripheral details about yourself that the work partner might not know- cultural or family background, the origin of your name, or details of the region in which you live.
  • Intermediate details about something you value, your feelings at the moment, or something deeper in your past work experiences, even if it concerns struggle (note: divisive political and religious topics are perhaps best avoided)
  • Core details- try sharing some goals/ dreams with a working partner, but do so noting your fears and struggles you may need to overcome.

Mentally note the effects of each disclosure on your work partner/ colleagues’ response. Which seems most effective in creating a sense of closeness or trust? Remember, the more authentic you are in these interactions, the more trust will be built. So, you may feel a bit vulnerable or out of your comfort zone, but stay within your values and core beliefs.

Further Reading and Resources–

Learn more about ACE Leading Through Complexity

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